- Praying for Others
- by, Rabbi Moshe Ben-Chaim
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- Courtesy: http://www.mesora.org
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- Reader:
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- Dear Mesora,
I once heard (unsure of the original source) that if one prays for
another person suffering the same ailment or having the same desire
(example: having children) as oneself, then the person will be granted
by Hashem the very thing they asked for the another person.
1. Have you ever heard of such a notion (its source)?
2. If not, what do you think about this? I have some problems with it
as it doesn't make sense to me that Hashem should decide to give you
something you want should you daven for another with the same bakasha.
I would appreciate your insight into this, as I was asked to do this
(and am very tempted to do it myself) but do not want to err
philosophically.
Thank you.
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- Mesora: You are quoting a Rashi in Beraishis; 21:1, and a
gemara in Baba Kama 92a . It states that if one prays for another
person (to have children) while he needs that himself, he is answered
(by G-d) first.
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- It occurred to me after writing my response below, that this area
can serve as a good example in general of teaching the method for
discovering answers to one's questions.
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- In this example, one who prays for another is entitled to an answer
more readily than if he prays for himself. That is the unique fact
displayed by this statement of the Rabbis. Whenever defining an area,
one must determine what is unique about the specific area at hand.
Therefore, the way to approach this problem is to first hone in on the
specific trait displayed by the one praying. One may then ask the
following to direct himself towards where the answer lies: "What
is it in one's praying for others which entitles him to be
answered?" Asking this question more precisely, one may ask,
"What perfection exists in a person when he is less
personal in prayer?" I say "perfection" as
G-d responds more readily, and I say "less personal"
since he prays for another person's needs before his own. The answer
now stares us in the face: When one is less personal, in other words,
"objective" about the needs of people, even before his own
needs, he displays that which G-d desires, i.e., an objective embrace
of the ideas of the Torah per se, as opposed to reacting to his own
personal needs. G-d answers him because he is attached to the truth,
and not attached to what is important only for himself.
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- To answer the question more fully, when one has a need, but prays
for another person first, he is relating to the need objectively and
not out of a personal desire. One can either pray for children to
satisfy a personal longing, or he or she can pray for children with an
objective perspective, viewing having children as a proper involvement
in as much as it is G-d's will. The latter being the proper outlook.
He demonstrates that he is not personally attached to that need, and
views the desired good as something which he feels no more worthy to
have, than someone else with the very same need.
- As his request for others follows an objective and more realistic
view of the Torah's ideals, G-d takes note, and responds to him first.
- This is what is meant that he will be answered by G-d before the
other person. G-d responding to him first demonstrates that his
request was more proper. This does not mean that the other person's
request was improper and will go unanswered. All the Rabbis intended
to illustrate with this statement was the perfection found in one who
prays for another before himself.
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- We see that when Channa prayed for a child to devote him to the
temple under Eli's tutelage, she was responded to by G-d, and she bore
Samuel the prophet. She too desired a child for the true purpose.
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- Perhaps G-d withheld children from all of the matriarchs as a method
for perfecting their attachment to their children. As the Rabbis
teach, "G-d withheld their children as G-d desires the prayers of
the righteous." G-d desired the Jewish nation have leaders who
were of the utmost perfection. It could very well be that G-d's will
was that the means by which one becomes perfected has much to do with
the relationship their parents have with them. As G-d withheld
children from Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah, these mothers then
introspected, discovering what ways to perfect themselves, and perhaps
saw unfitting attachments to having children. They observed this
and perfected themselves, and were then granted children. As they
raised these children, the forefathers of the Jewish nation, these
children were raised with such objectivity from their perfected
parents, being given the proper foundation from youth which G-d deemed
essential to their characters.
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- It should be noted however that this is not a game, that is, one
cannot expect to be answered first if he or she is really praying for
another with his own selfish motives in the back of his mind. It is
only the true, honest, objective prayer for another which raises one
to the level in which G-d admires his objectivity, and that G-d will
in fact answer his prayer first.
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- Again, our eyes are opened to the wisdom of Chazal only by using our
minds to unravel their secrets. As King Solomon stated at the
commencement of Proverbs, one purpose in writing that book was to
impart to us the understanding for solving the riddles of the Rabbis.
Taking the sayings of the Rabbis literally or blindly, is a practice
observed by too many. The Rabbis intended to disclose ideas to those
of us who desire the truth, and seek it out through deep study, not
casual reading. As King Solomon wrote, "if you seek it (Torah) as
silver, and search it out as a buried treasure, then you will
understand the fear of God, and the knowledge of God will you
find". Learning then, is an intense endeavor, involving exertion,
and not simplistic and superficial
page turning. These are King Solomon's words.
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- The ideas of the Rabbis will not be discovered without vigor,
patience, intelligence, and humility.
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